


What's it Like?

by HanaHimus



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne, Shin Megami Tensei: if...
Genre: Conflicting Views, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 07:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanaHimus/pseuds/HanaHimus
Summary: “What’s it like? Still thinking like a human?”





	What's it Like?

**Author's Note:**

> This sorta started off as an expansion of [this ask meme thing](http://p1bres.tumblr.com/post/181162447139/akiranaoki-disconnect-idk-that-word-has-been), but idk if it turned out like that haha--

“What’s it like? Still thinking like a human?”

Akira paused when Naoki asked him that question out of the blue. “What do you mean? You were human once, weren’t you?”

“Once, sure, but I’m not anymore.” Naoki frowned at him. “It’s been long enough that I can’t even remember what it’s like… So I wanna know.”

He sighed, looking away. “It’s nothing that interesting. I guess my moral compass isn’t exactly aligned with most demons… And Sebek gives me trouble about being so scrawny sometimes, but that’s it.”

“Scrawny?” Naoki rose an eyebrow.

“I was a lot bigger when I had my demon body.” He shrugged. “It’s hard not to notice the change in size.”

Naoki hummed thoughtfully. “...That’s right, you’re just as much a demon as you are a human.”

“That’s right…” He went back to the casino game he’d been messing around with. “Why, are you curious about that too now?”

“Kind of, what’s it like?”

“It was weird at first. Memories of two different worlds, with different rules, mixed up in my head a lot. I could go from being fine with calling myself Amon to having to remind myself that that was part of who I was all the time…”

Naoki leaned in closer. “Do you still have that problem?”

“Sometimes, but not often.” He shook his head. “With how I look it’s pretty hard to ever forget that I’m a demon anymore.”

“But you’re a human too.” He was practically breathing down Akira’s neck now. “Do you ever forget that?”

“No, the Akira part of me has always been too prominent to forget.” The Akira memories and personality traits had always felt a bit more  _ his  _ and less just given to him than the Amon ones, after all. “...But sometimes I wish I could.”

“Why?” Naoki’s hands gripped Akira’s arms with an uncomfortable amount of strength.

“...It can be hard. Things Amon is fine with, Akira isn’t… Which leaves me just confused.” He leaned against Naoki, the uncomfortable force fading into a dull ache. “I doubt any other demon has to think as hard about things.”

It was tiring, if he was being honest. It got him into spats with demons around here fairly often and at least once Thoth had gone back to his ways of claiming that Akira  _ definitely  _ wasn’t Amon… The times it came in handy and got him and others like Hathor out of trouble weren’t enough to balance it out.

“I’m jealous.”

Akira turned to look at Naoki, brow furrowed. “Why would you be jealous?”

Naoki looked at him. “You have context for how a human  _ can  _ feel in these situations… I have memories, but they’re all too dull to use ‘em. Ever since I met you… I’ve started hating that.”

“Naoki--”

“I was happy to throw my humanity to the wind, who needed it, right? There’s no place for humans in the world of demons, after all…” Naoki let out a bitter laugh. “You threw a wrench into that thinking, didn’t you?”

“...It’s not like I wanted to be like this.” He pulled himself out of Naoki’s grasp and turned to face him. “If I could’ve avoided this, could’ve escaped, I would’ve. Do you think I  _ like  _ being a human and a demon here? I told that girl that humans belong in the human world and demons in the demon… But…”

An expression Akira couldn’t quite put a name to flashed across Naoki’s face, his arms being grabbed again as he was pulled him closer. “You might not’ve had a choice, but crying about it now won’t fix it.”

Something akin to a laugh escaped Akira’s lips. “Why did I expect you to say something like that…?”

Naoki just frowned at him before pulling him into a hug, burying his face into the crook of his neck. “Just shut up.”

Had he said something that upset Naoki…? It was hard to tell, but he didn’t want to push it now. Naoki wasn’t someone Akira liked to upset, for a number of reasons. So instead, he just returned the hug, letting his eyes close.

Even though he wouldn’t have chosen this path for himself, maybe there was some nice things about it. He did get to meet Naoki, after all.


End file.
